Mission Possible – Positive Climate Change


February 7, 2013 by John Crapper

Shitty Missions

of the

Church of the Holy Shitters

Launching us towards that

Soft and Fluffy, Shitty Way of Life


NASA/ Temperature Data: 1880-2011

Every Church takes it upon itself to pursue certain missions. Ours is no different.

Followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters believe mankind’s current activities are contributing to a change in the Earth’s climate. We also believe we can, should and will do something about it. In fact, it is one of our prime Church missions.

Climate change and the rising temperatures associated with it involves the entire planet. It is a global issue. Therefore, it demands a global effort to address in any meaningful way.

The economies of the world are based largely on fossil fuel to provide their energy. Burning fossil fuel pollutes our environment. Not only does it pollute but it’s also changing our environment with serious negative consequences. The theory goes that the burning of fossil fuel is increasing the level of CO2 in our environment and resulting in a general warming of the planet and an altering of world weather patterns.

People in the US are superconsumers. Each of us, on average uses 11 kW of energy. That is a larger user rate than any other country on Earth! We also have the 3rd largest population.

We need to change the way we do things. It will require a mammoth effort. It can be done. We’ve done it before during WWII. We can do it again!

Let’s take a moment to look back on the effort that was made by this country during WWII. It was quite astounding.

For the war, the United States underwent a massive economic restructuring. In his State of the Union address on January 6, 1942, one month after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, President Franklin D. Roosevelt announced the country’s arms production goals. The United States, he said, was planning to produce 45,000 tanks, 60,000 planes, 20,000 anti-aircraft guns, and several thousand ships. He added, “Let no man say it cannot be done.”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1933. Lietuvių: Fra...

After his State of the Union address, Roosevelt met with auto industry leaders and told them that the country would rely heavily on them to reach these arms production goals. From February 1942 through the end of 1944, nearly three years, essentially no cars were produced in the United States.

In addition to a ban on the production and sale of cars for private use, residential and highway construction was halted, and driving for pleasure was banned. Strategic goods—including tires, gasoline, fuel oil, and sugar—were rationed beginning in 1942. Cutting back on private consumption of these goods freed up material resources that were vital to the war effort.

To raise money for defense, the government relied on a number of techniques — calling on the American people to ration certain commodities, generating more tax revenue by lowering the personal exemption and selling government war bonds to individuals and financial institutions. All of these methods served to provide the government with revenue and at the same time keep inflation under control.

From the beginning of 1942 through 1944, the United States far exceeded the initial goal of 60,000 planes, turning out a staggering 229,600 aircraft, a fleet so vast it is hard today to even visualize it. Equally impressive, by the end of the war more than 5,000 ships were added to the 1,000 or so that made up the American Merchant Fleet in 1939.

In her book No Ordinary Time, Doris Kearns Goodwin describes how various firms converted. A sparkplug factory was among the first to switch to the production of machine guns. Soon a manufacturer of stoves was producing lifeboats. A merry-go-round factory was making gun mounts; a toy company was turning out compasses; a corset manufacturer was producing grenade belts; and a pinball machine plant began to make armor-piercing shells.

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill often quoted his foreign secretary, Sir Edward Grey: “The United States is like a giant boiler. Once the fire is lighted under it, there is no limit to the power it can generate.”

Thus, we see from our brief look back, just what this country is capable of doing when we are motivated. We have the power and the capability to impact the climate in a positive manner. All that is required is the will to act.

The first thing that needs to happen to embark on this mission is leadership from the top. Our job as members of the Church of the Holy Shitters is to pressure and persuade our top leadership into action. To force them to Shit or get off the pot!

English: A photo of The Thinker by Rodin locat...

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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