October 24, 2013 by John Crapper
The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments
4. Thou shalt respect the privacy of other people’s religions.
1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.
2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.
3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.
4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.
5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.
6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.
7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.
8. Thou shalt conserve shit.
9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.
10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.
The Church of the Holy Shitters believe strongly that people have a right to privacy. Being a Church that has Shit as its focal point we should state from the outset that we believe people have a right to poop in private. We encourage our practitioners to partake in the Sacrament of Holy Shitting as often as possible. This sacrament requires a person to enter into a contemplative state while taking a dump. This is hard to do in public. This is why having a sacramental Shit is hard to achieve in a public restroom. But the privacy issue is not an issue of us being ashamed that we take a dump just like all other animals. We are not ashamed of people seeing us in the physical act of taking a dump. Read below the fold to understand what we mean by commandment #4.
What we are trying to do is maximize the number of Smart Shits we have through the practice of Holy Shitting. This requires privacy. Having someone poke their nose in while you are doing your private business pretty much assures you are going to have a dumb shit rather than a Smart Shit. This commandment is there to insure this does not happen.
This commandment is also part of our Church laws to address another area where privacy is paramount. The Church of the Holy Shitters is the religion we practice. It is the Shitty way of life we have chosen for ourselves. It is an environmental religion.
We believe a person’s spiritual religion is private. It is the most personal relationship a person can have between themselves and the greater universe. How a person defines god in their mind, what spiritual religion they do or do not practice is none of our business.
Our religion is a natural religion. We deal with our lives here on this planet while we are alive. We do not deal in the supernatural. We don’t care how a person believes in this regard if they keep it private. This commandment therefore demands they keep their spiritual religion to themselves. This Church is not the place for a person to try and save anybody else’s soul. You violate this commandment when you do this.
Our religion does not preclude you from having another religion dedicated to saving your soul for an afterlife of some sort if you are inclined to believe in such things. How you square your spiritual religion with this natural one is for you to decide.
At this point I would like to remind you that we have a vesting approach to membership in this Church. As you learn about our religion you can choose to be 100% vested in our ways of belief or just 10%. Generally speaking, I will venture to say that the more spiritually inclined you are the lower will be your percent you consider yourself vested in this religion. That is OK as we feel that if you end up being only 10% vested that is still a plus for our Church and the planet on which we all live.
What is important for membership in this Church is that you keep your spiritual religious thoughts private. It is not my business how you “believe” and conversely it is none of your business how I “believe” in this regard.
Remember one of the tenants of this religion states the following: “If you don’t take a shit, we don’t give a shit. We therefore also do not pry into people’s views on such topics as abortion and birth control. These types of ethical debates involve a time when an entity involved in the conflict is not taking a shit yet. Hence we don’t give a shit.