Toilet Think Tanks


October 3, 2013 by John Crapper


Striving to have a smart shit!


There is a reason people call a toilet a head. For many of us, in our hectic world, it is the few moments in our day where we can sit, relax, contemplate and examine our lives in a personal and intimate way. (Shitbit by Poop John the First)

The first sacrament in the Church of the Holy Shitters is Holy Shitting. The sacrament of Holy Shitting involves not only the physical act of taking a dump, but also a state of mind while physically doing so.

As Holy Shitters, while on the toilet, you strive to have a smart shit rather than a dumb shit. A Smart Shit is a reflective, meditative, contemplation of all that has transpired since the last time you took a dump. You take the time to really look at your shit.

Thus you perform an honest physical and mental self-assessment of your actions as you perform the actual act of getting rid of your shit. You resolve to correct your deficiencies and improve yourself between now and your next dump. As you physically let go of your physical shit you simultaneously let go of your mental shit as well. In the proper conduct of this ritual you receive the sacrament of Shitting.

The Sacrament of Holy Shitting helps a Holy Shitter reach the state of “Soft and Fluffy”. The homeostatic state of “Soft and Fluffy” is the closest thing to oneness with the universe a person can achieve. It signifies a state of peace, tranquility and mental shitlessness achievable only by following the true path demanded by the Church of the Holy Shitters. “Soft and fluffy is the ultimate state of self.

The act of taking a dump is philosophical in that relieving the body relieves the head as well. For how many busy and stressed out people is this time one of the few moments in their hectic day of solitary, privacy and contemplation? Many people, while partaking in the Sacrament of Holy Shitting confess to having great thoughts, ideas and insights while seated on the toilet. Some people, like myself, even have revelations while doing their business.

In the same way that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince or princess, you also have to think of a lot of shitty ideas before you come up with that great one. This is part of the promise encompassed in the Sacrament of Holy Shitting. Most of the time we come up with some pretty shitty ideas, but every once in a while a gem emerges. When that happens it is an uplifting experience which needs to be shared with others.

Uplifting experiences don’t happen that often. Part of our job at holyshitters.com is to ensure these ideas are recorded discussed, scrutinized, criticized, and if authenticated acted upon.

Things go down much easier than up. It takes power to push things up.

Heat pushes things up. Putting heat on political leaders with regard to an issue results in that issue rising up the agenda and receiving more attention.

In the same way, pressure makes things move. In the political sphere pressure will result in movement on a given issue in the direction in which the pressure is applied.

This is also part of our mission at this site. Not only do we attempt to collectively come up with a good idea once in a while, we also strive to excerpt pressure and increased heat on policy makers and decision makers to affect the agenda and encourage the implementation of these good ideas.

If we are to have any hope of changing the trajectory of man’s impact on our environment, as many good ideas as possible need to be generated and massive heat and pressure needs to be applied on our political and business leaders to implement them.

So let’s turn up the heat and pressure on both the government and private sector and encourage them to take bold effective action on climate change.  

Let’s light a fire under their asses.


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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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