Commandment #6 – A Closer Look


November 21, 2013 by John Crapper

photo-2 2The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

#6  Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit. 

1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say than don’t say shit.

6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

“Capitalism is a great clearinghouse to efficiently produce anything that can possibly be produced which someone can be convinced to buy and do it for the best price. It is a terrible system to conserve anything.”
(Shitbit by Poop John the First)

Black Friday

Walmart is kicking off Black Friday 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day — two hours earlier than last year, the company announced Tuesday.The retailer joins 9 others, including Target, Kmart and Best Buy, in opening its doors and starting Black Friday deals on Thanksgiving. It continues a recent industry trend of moving Black Friday earlier and earlier — ultimately to Thanksgiving Day. Chains are looking to squeeze more out of the hugely profitable holiday shopping season.

Cyber Monday turns into Cyber week.

More people, more consumers, more products, more consumption, more growth, more job creation, more people, more consumers, more products, more consumption, more growth in an endless cycle of escalation. In this constant growth circle the idea of conserving is completely lost.

Up to now economic progress has been defined largely in terms of greater choice, more convenience, enhanced capabilities, enhanced power, greater comfort and less work and manual labor. There has been very little thought given to the waste end of capitalist production when making the decision to build or produce a product. Waste considerations have to date been given only to the end of usefulness side of the product cycle. When the product has reached the end of its usefulness, what should be done with it? What part can be recycled? What part do we send to the landfill? The mindset has been to invent, produce, market and sell first and only after the fact consider what to do with the waste result. The Church of the Holy Shitters considers this ass-backward thinking.

We suffer from the disease the Church calls consumer diarrhea.  When you get sick you often get diarrhea.   When you are a sick consumer you get a disease we call consumer diarrhea. The two symptoms of this disease are copious energy use and super consumption.

The symptoms of this disease start at an early age.  They are rooted in our values and closely tied to the way we are raised.

Followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters aspire to practice Soft and Fluffy Consumerism.  Soft and Fluffy Consumerism is an ass-forward state of being for Holy Shitters.  As a Soft and Fluffy consumer we strive to be soft on our environment.  We contemplate fully the utility of producing, selling and buying each and every product with an eye on minimizing its drain on energy reserves and reducing its negative impact on our environment.  

As a Soft and Fluffy consumer we also contemplate the waste end of those products we deem necessary to be produced, sold and purchased to ensure they disappear or fluffily fly away quickly to be reincorporated into our environment in a non-toxic reusable manner.

The 6th commandment of Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit specifically prohibits you from buying items and services that you don’t really need.

Here is a Church of the Holy Shitters challenge. From an ass-forward, waste-first perspective, how much of what you see on the shelves of stores would be produced? If you really take the time to contemplate this challenge you will discover just how deeply rooted our ass-backward super consumer thinking is.

Your practice of the Sacrament of Holy Shitting allows you to increase the number of Smart Shits ultimately leading to the ideal mental state of “Soft and Fluffy”.   The “Soft and Fluffy” state is the closest you can get to being in harmony with the universe and represents the ultimate state of self.  The closer you get to reaching this ultimate state the more accurately you can determine what is necessary versus what is unnecessary for you to buy.

Striving to have a Smart Shit.

Striving to have a Smart Shit.

And please this holiday season remember our 6th commandment and don’t buy unnecessary shit.



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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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