Commandment #7 – A Closer Look


December 5, 2013 by John Crapper

The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

7.  Thou shalt not giveth someone unnecessary shit.

1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

5.  If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

7. Thou shalt not giveth someone unnecessary shit.

8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.


What does our third commandment  Thou shalt not giveth someone shit  actually mean?  First, please take note of the small s used when writing the word shit.  This means we are not referring to Holy Shit which is the holy substance in our Church.  Giving someone Shit is considered a righteous act.  We are not taking about that.

This commandment has nothing to do with the slang expression of giving a person some shit.  We all know what the slang expression means.  It means to give someone some lighthearted harassment or teasing.  We are not talking about that either.

What we are talking about is our relationship with the environment and what we demand from it in terms of our consumption.  Our religion mandates we look at what we buy and consume in an ass-forward waste-first way of thinking.  Before we buy a product we ask ourselves what is the waste end result of its purchase.  This involves evaluating its impact on our environment compared to its usefulness.  Is it worth being purchased, used and consumed?  If the answer is no this commandment instructs us not to purchase the product.

Everywhere we look and listen slick marketers entice us to buy, buy and buy.   Buy for greater prestige, buy for greater happiness, buy for better looks, buy for more convenience, and buy for more free time. Temptation is all around us.  Many among us suffer from a disease we call consumer diarrhea.  Compulsive buyers and shopaholics fall into this category.

As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we realize there is a lot of crap for sale in our marketplace.This commandment asks us to strive to be judicious, environmentally aware consumers and  purchase gifts for our friends and family that are not crap. Just as our commandment # 6 states that we must not buy unnecessary shit for ourselves, we are also instructed by this commandment not to give shit to other people.  Perpetuating needless consumption is against our religious beliefs plain and simple.

Please keep this commandment in mind while doing this year’s holiday shopping.


“Capitalism is a great clearinghouse to efficiently produce anything that can possibly be produced which someone can be convinced to buy and do it for the best price.  It is a terrible system to conserve anything.”  (Shitbit by Poop John the First)


“The first amendment of the US Constitution mandates the separation of Church and State but it does not mandate the separation of Church and Economy.” (Shitbit by Pope John the First)

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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