SkyMall Shopping – Beauty and Personal Hygiene


January 16, 2014 by John Crapper

As a super-consumer you know you are the most important being in the universe and when it concerns the way you look, smell and feel you will stop at nothing to put your best look forward.  SkyMall is ready to assist!

Start your day in an illuminating rainbow of colors with the Magic showerhead showering you in 7 glorious colors.  It actually does nothing better in terms of cleanliness but mentally it just give you that “my shit doesn’t stink” start to the day!

Need a little help with oral hygiene? Just in time there now is the Justin Beiber Brush Buddies Singing Toothbrush.  Even though no one else will see how hip you are you will know the truth.  You will exit each and every morning singing Beiber tunes while smiling those Beiber white teeth!

Reduce fine lines, wrinkles and blemishes using The Diamond Tipped Microdermabrasion System.  After all diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Beiber’s music not doing anything for those pesky zits?  Here is a combination package hard to resist. Whiten your teeth and zap your zits at the same time using Tanda’s powerful beauty products. The blue light technology holds the secret to these amazing products!  Purchase both for under $250.00!

Another pimple popper to choose from is the no!no! Skin professional pimple popper providing results in as little as 24 yours.  Yours for just $180.00 it will deliver 81% improvement in a day’s time.

Have embarrassing peach fuzz or facial hair also? An additional $270.00 will equip you with the no!no! Hair.

For more serious skin problems the DermaSeptic is highly effective fighting herpes, cold sores, warts and fever blisters by delivering antimicrobial silver ions directly to the infected site (99.95).

Want to look brainy and have thicker hair at the same time while enjoying your favorite tunes.  Multi-task in style with the APRO2D iGrow Laser for just $695.00.

If you don’t care about music opt for the iRestore version for $599.00.

For the budget minded the X-5 Hair Laser for just $199.00 is the perfect solution.

Need a quick fake hair fix before your iRestore, iGrow or X-5 can show results? For just $21.95 Toppik will give you a full head of hair in just 30 seconds. Magnetized color matched fibers will instantly bond and blend with your existing hair and stay in place all day and night.  Use before visiting your hair stylist or barber and really get your money’s worth.  Plus it will freak the hell out of them!

Having trouble getting your beauty sleep? You’ll be able to catch up once you have our unique blow-up SkyRest Travel Pillow®.  (Caution:  Sudden seat back movement from the person seated in front of you may cause sudden awakening.)

Leg uP™  the inflatable leg support pillow helps you get the rest you need in your hotel after your plane lands just in case you didn’t catch enough zzzees on the plane with the SkyRest® inflatable pillow.

Looking for that special gift to bring home to the kids?   Want to get them something a little more scary than the Trevon Martin style hoodie?  Our animated shark and raptor hoodie is just the answer.  They’ll be no question in the eyes of the neighborhood watch person that your kids are up to no good and when the police investigate they’ll knew they were the aggressor for sure wearing these!


Ladies, do you constantly fret over what to pack to impress when making business calls or meeting up with multiple lovers while on the road?  The Houdini 12 in 1 Black Dress does it all for any occasion and any figure. Houdini never looked this good!

Finally, for our businessman on the road and needing something special after a hard day of making multiple business calls.  Looking forward to meeting up with your mistress?  Your sex life will need some fireworks.    Make your hotel room like the Fourth of July each and every night with the Fireworks in My Room with optional “BOOM” for $44.95.  Plus,  if you get caught with the device in your luggage when you return home to a suspicious wife it passes for a cool gift for the kid!

Super-consumerism is a major problem in the United States and increasingly in the rest of the world.  The above post takes a humorous poke at this serious problem.  Consumption is inescapable for survival.   Capitalism is a great economic system capable of providing much in goods and services.  Our Church reminds us that capitalism is a great system to produce anything that people can be convinced to buy.  It is a terrible system to conserve.  We can no longer produce and consume all that we want that capitalism can provide.  It is not sustainable.  As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we strive to practice Soft and Fluffy Consumerism.  This means we look at things from a waste-end perspective before deciding to purchase any product.  What we buy and how we spend our money matters!  For more detailed discussion of this issue please read this article on decrapulation.
Facebook Twitter Reddit Email


Church members' comments are not moderated. Join the Church to avoid moderation!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <b>Bold</b>, <i>Italic</i>, and <blockquote>blockquote</blockquote>

Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
Brighter Planet's 350 Challenge

Sign Up for our newsletter.

All posts by topic