SkyMall Shopping – Fitness/Sports/Pain Relief


January 30, 2014 by John Crapper

I ask you to let your imagination fly for a while.  You’ve just boarded a flight going to a destination of your dreams.   If you have the inkling you can imagine you’re sitting in business or first class.  Might as well make the most of your imagination.  The seat belt sign has just been turned off and you’re cruising at 35,000 feet. 

Since this is my diary you can’t have everything your way.  You happen to be sitting next to me. You reach for the Skymall catalogue in your seat pocket in front of you. You notice that I’m looking through my copy.  We strike up a conversation about one of the items for sale.   We quickly realize that both of us think shopping while cruising at 35,000 feet in a flying gas tank is the absolute best activity one can partake in as a credit card carrying red blooded all American. We quickly begin an in depth shopping spree for the duration of the flight.   For this segment of the flight we’re taking a look at the pampering options to choose from for ourselves.

When it comes to trying to make your life healthy, active and pain free there is no equal to the choices available through SkyMall.  There are literally thousands to choose from to meet your every need.  Here are just a few to wet your appetite and loosen your wallet.

Need an out of this world mobility experience? How about Orbitwheels? It’s a whole new way to get around . Helmet not included.

Cruising on Orbitwheels while wearing Gravity Defyer footwear and there’s no telling where you might end up.

For the total out of this world experience top off the experience by using our large Super Skate Sail for propulsion. Beam me up Scotty!

After a long hike or walk don’t forget to unstink your shoes with the ultraviolet shoe deodorizer.

Want to lead an active life while on the go? Need to multitask your way to fitness? Then the Streetsider could be your perfect solution.

At the other end of the fitness spectrum when all you want to do is plop your fat ass down anywhere and take a load off you can do it with confidence using Sport Seat. Sport Seat weights just 28 ounces yet supports up to 300 pounds. Hell buy two and double your weight gaining plop down capacity.

Don’t have enough padding in your butt to suit? Maybe you should acquire the all day protable gel seat to provide the extra cushion you need until your own grows big enough to provide the cushion and comfort you desire and deserve!

For the ultimate couch potato feel good massage try one of these therapeutic massage chairs. First there is the Inada Sogno Dream Wave for only $7,799.00 or choose the world’s only rocking massage chair for a mere $5,999.00. Each come with free delivery and setup!

Be the coolest couch potato around by inviting all your couch potato friends over to enjoy a movie experience of a lifetime when you surprise them with your inflatable movie screen.

Couch potatoes need never get off their butts again to get a cold one. The remote control beverage cooler solves the problem.

So much for getting off our butt or sitting on it.  How about when your hurting.  No self-respecting super-consumer would scrimp in this area for sure and with SkyMall the sky’s the limit!

Suffering from dry eyes? For $49.95 this problem is solved with the dry eye relief kit.

Got a companion headache? No problem. Again for $49.95 you can get relief with the Headache Relieving Wrap.

No consumer diarrhea hypochondriac should leave home without their Infrared Pain Reliever. The pain of spending $159.95 pales in comparison to the relief you’ll get from swollen joints and tight muscles.

Top off your pain relief treatment with the Back Max offering 7 different condiguaations for superb comfort. It can be yours for just $129.99.

Need help relieving that tension after a long day at the office? Our patented Head and Eye Massager is the perfect answer.

Use in combination with our Portable Infrared Sauna and sit back and say ahhhh to in-home relaxation.

Melt away stress and tension and enter a state of euphoria with the TH3966 SomaWave Helmet.

Do you have sore footsies? For only $159.95 you can be the proud owner of our deluxe Digital Massage Boots®. They work wonders to relieve fatigue and pain associated with poor circulation.

If migraine relief is your thing but you hate the idea of popping pills you now have Migraine Magic® Plus massaging eye mask to provide relief in no time.

Geeks need relief too and I am no exception.  After a hard day of punching keys I’m going to treat my hands to a little keyboard relief with the hand reflexology massager. You too could be a proud owner!  Buy one for yourself for just $119.95 or save time and buy two – one for each hand!


Super-consumerism is a major problem in the United States and increasingly in the rest of the world.  The above post takes a humorous poke at this serious problem.  Consumption is inescapable for survival.   Capitalism is a great economic system capable of providing much in goods and services.  Our Church reminds us that capitalism is a great system to produce anything that people can be convinced to buy.  It is a terrible system to conserve.  We can no longer produce and consume all that we want that capitalism can provide.  It is not sustainable.  As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we strive to practice Soft and Fluffy Consumerism.  This means we look at things from a waste-end perspective before deciding to purchase any product.  What we buy and how we spend our money matters!  For more detailed discussion of this issue please read this article on decrapulation.

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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