October 9, 2014 by John Crapper
Sometimes I just like to unplug from all the problems. Humor is where I go. This week that’s where I want to be. Life has been throwing a lot of shit my way lately. If your like me and want a break from dealing with all the shit in your life too for a couple of minutes please read below.
I don’t know Shit. I wish I did. I think knowing him is important. I’ve been told many times that I don’t know Shit and it’s kind of getting on my nerves.
There are a lot of people in this world that do not know Shit either. With so many people around that don’t know Shit it really makes it harder for me.
Where can I find Shit? Can you tell me? I understand if you’re one of those people that lose Shit all the time. I can’t even find Shit so you’re ahead of me.
Sometimes people say I look like Shit. As I get older it happens to me more and more. The trouble is I hear people telling other people that look nothing like me that they look like Shit too. So that really confuses me.
So since I’m really getting nowhere trying to look for Shit on my own I’ve decided to start an investigation and hire a professional. I’ve got to get to know this person. I have things I want to accomplish and we all know you can’t get ahead in this world if you don’t know Shit. So I’m on a quest to find him.
That’s one of the reasons I’m posting this here. I figure if you guys don’t know Shit who does?
So far my investigation hasn’t turned up Shit. It’s been really log jammed.
I’m not even sure if Shit is this person’s last name or first. Working under the assumption it’s his last name the first could be Dip, Dumb, Smart, or Big. If it’s his first name then he could have a last name of Head, Hole, Forbrains, or Outofluck.
Any help you could provide would be much appreciated. If you or anyone you know knows the whereabouts of Shit please advise.
Once I get this guy located I’m making sure I don’t lose track of Shit again!
Thanks for your help!
UPDATE: I received this unsourced report in my e-mail from a friend and have yet to determine the source. (Let’s just say it’s from my private investigator but if anyone knows the source on this please let me know. I take credit for writing the above inquiry but not what follows below.) The spelling error in this report does give me cause for caution and suspicion I have actually found the person I’ve been searching for.
WHO IS JACK SCHITT??????
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’
Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. They had a son Tuff Schitt, who grew up to be a radical union leader at the fertilizer company, Needeep N. Schitt.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. They had a son, Godda Schitt.
Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.
Crock O. Schitt
NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.
REMEMBER: IF YOU DON’T, THEN YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO FULLA SCHITT OR GIVA SCHITT.
P.S. Thanks for reading. I now return you to all the other crap happening in your life. Have a wonderful day!