January 22, 2017 by John Crapper
Church of the Holy Shitters
“An Environmental Religion”
Our climate is changing.
I’m humorously serious about addressing it.
I’m convinced my ego is the main culprit.
demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
“A secular environmental religion, scientifically based, with a focus on the psychology of it all. Our ego is the culprit when it comes to dealing with climate change. We cannot save the planet. We can only save ourselves. Our current egotistical self-perception makes even that prospect a dubious one at best. Meekness, humility and a realization that our shit does stink, guides us on our path to sustainable living and climate equilibrium.”
My Goal is to make climate
change your number one priority.
Let me shock you with just one statement.
If you are
under the age of 50
it is critical I succeed
for you to lead the rest
of your life with any
normalcy going forward.
If you deny the existence of climate change please stop reading now!
Since you’re still with me let’s proceed.
Why do we need a new religion?
Religion is the glue that binds a group of people together. It is the moral framework from which a person judges the world. It is the hub in their wheel of existence. It provides them a way to maintain long-term attention to the principles by which to live in the face of life’s short-term distractions. Religion provides a person with a path to travel in their desire to lead a good life.
Our modern life screams out for a new kind of religion offering a new glue to bind people together, a new moral framework from which to judge and a new hub in their wheel of existence. This new religion needs to focus exclusively on our physical existence. It must be secular in nature and concern itself with our life on this Earth and our relationship with it.
Religion affects a person’s perception of everything and as Naomi Klein says in her latest book, This Changes Everything:
“the ‘this’ in This Changes Everything is climate change. … And what we mean by that is that climate change, if we don’t change course, if we don’t change our political and economic system, is going to change everything about our physical world. …That’s the road we are on. We can get off that road, but we’re now so far along it, we’ve put off the crucial policies for so long, that now we can’t do it gradually. … (It)requires such a radical departure from the kind of political and economic system we have right now that we pretty much have to change everything.”
My research tells me we don’t have much time to make these changes. There is urgency of action connected with this Manifesto.
Dealing with climate change is going to require group thinking and solving the problems associated with it is going to be a collective effort. We need to come together in concerted action. There is no way around it.
“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
Again, as Naomi Klein explains in detail in her book, this coming together is in fact already happening and is increasing around the world. But it needs to keep gaining in momentum in the same way a snowball gathers size and speed as it rolls down a snowy hill. And it needs to happen in an atmosphere of optimism, passion and most importantly, levity and fun. This is the purpose of the Church of the Holy Shitters and this Manifesto.
I am passionate about speeding up this “coming together” by coupling it with levity and fun and the religious zeal of common purpose. I’m asking you to join me. I believe it’s critically important for your future.
The changes we need to make can really be boiled down to doing one thing. We must utilize the sun to the fullest extent possible. It’s really that simple.
But unfortunately, there are forces standing in our way. This opposition comes primarily from three different groups.
Their job is
a) telling you what to think,
b) telling you what to do and
c) telling you which choices you have.
Cynics are expert pessimists. Their argument can be boiled down to one succinct sentence: Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.
They stand ready to give all kinds of reasons why it won’t work. They tell you everything they think is wrong with your ideas.
Silver-bullet technocratic scientific types are “we’ll solve climate change so “don’t worry about it” people. There is always a new innovation on the horizon promising inexhaustible cheap energy. There is no reason to worry. We are at the cusp of climate change’s resolution.
This Manifesto is not intended to provide you with great detail about the Church of the Holy Shitters but let me provide the briefest of introductions.
The Holy Shitters
“An Environmental Religion”
Our Ten Commandments
- Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.
- One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.
- Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.
- Thou shalt respect the privacy of other people’s religions.
- If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.
- Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.
- Thou shalt not give someone unnecessary shit.
- Thou shalt conserve shit.
- Thou shalt not take others’ shit.
- Thou shalt treat others’ shit the same way you would want your shit treated.
As you might guess from this list, I’m not one to approach climate change from a gloom and doom, depressing perspective. I like insightful levity and sincerely believe there is reason for optimism.
But in all seriousness we are in a pretty powerful shit creek right now. The currents we are in are swift and the water stinks!
So I ask you to jump in my canoe, grab a paddle and start rowing with me. The more paddlers we have the better chance of rowing out of this creek we find ourselves in.
We’ll row in a new direction. It is the ass-forward, waste-end first “Shitty Way of Life” direction offered by the Church of the Holy Shitters!
Think about it. We are in desperate need
of this new environmental religion.
Thanks for reading!
To learn more about our Church
Together we’ll row towards a brighter future for ourselves and
🙂 Laugh Along 🙂
Our Shitty Way!
I also hope you’ll pass this
on to your friends!
My book entitled the
“An Environmental Religion”
containing a summary of the principles of the Church of the Holy Shitters in question and answer form.
And Shortly Thereafter
Shit Down & Crap Up
- A cave in the middle of nowhere yet an oasis of sanity in an otherwise insane world.
- a microcosm of sustainable living in an ocean of the unsustainable.
- the current center of the Church of the Holy Shitters.
It was a time of hope and promise yet great turmoil and disruption; a time of magnificent scientific discovery; a time of rapid and remarkable advancement in human consciousness. And it was all happening too slowly and too late.
This is the story of less than a year in the life of twelve-year old Johnny Crapper. As he flies into another world, he witnesses unfathomable events while learning unbelievable secrets about his family’s past along the way. In the process, Johnny gains a deeper appreciation for his Shitty Way of Life, is introduced to love for the first time and is instilled with hope for a world crumbling around him.