I Have a Dream But It’s Not The Nightmare I’m Living


February 23, 2017 by John Crapper


I have a very comforting recurring dream.  But a dream is just a dream but with the election of the Donald I’m beginning to live a nightmare I never thought possible.

I haven’t been sleeping that well lately.  I think it’s because with the election of the Donald I’m beginning to live a nightmare I’d never thought possible.  Rex Tillerson, former head of Exxon Mobile and good friends with Vladimir Putin as Secretary of State.  Scott Pruitt, a close ally of the fossil fuel industry heading the Environmental Protection Agency.  Rick Perry, who in 2011 proposed scrapping it, to head the Energy Department .  This real life reality couldn’t be more frightening.

Tonight I’m really weary.  I hope, for once, I’ll be able to get a good night’s sleep.  I lay my head on my pillow and soon I drift away.  I once again dream the recurring dream of my life. It’s comforting.



The dream begins the same each time.  I’m looking onto a conference room where a group of economists are in deep discussion rethinking their basic assumptions. The Milton Friedman school of thought and the Keynesian school of thought are being discussed.  The economists begin challenging their assumptions and formulating a new way of economic analysis; the Ass-forward, waste-end first, Soft and Fluffy economic theory.

Constant economic growth based on increases in consumption and consumer spending  is questioned.  Gross Domestic Product (GDP) is questioned as a misleading measure of a nation’s wealth. The group develops a new concept they coin the Gross Renewable Energy Product (GREP).

GREP postulates that wealth, on the one hand, be measured in terms of the energy needed to do things:  the ability to grow crops, to make products, to move goods, to improve efficiency, to pass on information, to help others.  On the other hand, they conclude that wealth needs to be measured by the drain on resources and the damage obtaining the energy does to the environment.  They conclude that creating more energy from non-polluting renewable sources will enable mankind to do more with fewer resources and less pollution.

The scene fades and my thoughts drift to the 2018 mid-term election.    I dream it is the biggest wave election in the history of the country. Gone are the climate change deniers. Gone are the mouthpieces for the fossil fuel industry. Candidates who believe in the promise of the Shitty Way of Life are elected across the country.

The President’s agenda is threatened as a result of the election.  Within 6 months  the President, sensitive to criticism, decides he needs to dramatically change direction.  He meets with the group of economists and adopts the Gross Renewable Energy Product (GREP) definition of wealth.

My dream shifts to the President giving his State of the Union speech. He declares a war, this time not against a country or a mad dictator but on our nation’s dependency on fossil fuel.

The President appeals to people’s sense of patriotism and resurrects his “Make America Great Again” slogan to resounding applause.

He announces an Energy New Deal .  He convenes an emergency session of Congress calling on them toenact the necessary legislation granting him the executive authority he needs.  His goals are to end our dependency on foreign oil and reduce CO2 emissions to 350 ppm in 10 years.

Next, the dream shifts to the TV. The President is addressing the nation and calling on people to do more than just be vigilant in the fight against terrorism.  He draws a connection between oil consumption and the funding of groups like ISIL and Al Queda.

During his TV address he announces the implementation of the “ass-forward commuting program.  It halves the number of vehicles on the road during commuting times by requiring all commuters to fill their cars to capacity on their way to work.

Next, I see a headline in a paper announcing gas consumption has dropped roughly 40% and commuting times have been reduced an average of 50% .

I next hear people conversing making positive statements about not having to be behind the wheel each and every day.

The scene shifts and I see the President once again sitting behind his desk signing an executive order.   Similar to the ban on civilian car production during WWII, car manufacturers are being ordered to cease production of gas and diesel vehicles and instructed to concentrate exclusively on the production of electric ones.

The scene shifts once again.  I see the President on TV declaring there will be no more Fukushimas , Chernobyls, or Three Mile Islands.  He announces plans to scrap nuclear fission electrical generation.  A schedule is outlined for the systematic shut down of all existing nuclear power plants within 10 years.

Again, my dream shifts to the President cautioning consumers on the hazards of consumer diarrhea.  He encourages manufacturers to analyze their products from the waste-end perspective.   He proclaims the days of producing anything and everything that can possibly be sold for profit are gone forever. He introduces the concept of Soft and Fluffy Consumerism.

My dream shifts again to overlooking a city where every parcel of land is being used to grow crops in a nationwide patriotic effort to produce everything locally.

Again I see a headline in a local paper informing the public of a compulsory national service program requiring young people to serve their country for a minimum of 2 years. The first thrust of the program:  a massive reforestation program.


Ecological Sanitation

Ecological Sanitation

I dream the President convenes an Ecological Sanitation Summit bringing world experts in eco-san technology together to discuss and develop an action plan to restructure the way we currently handle our feces.  Its promise:  to transition our sanitation systems from a flush away sewage treatment plant model to treating human excrement as a valuable resource.

Just as the dream first began I am once again looking onto a conference room where engineers are planning for this sanitation transformation.


The first soft rays of the sun enter my bedroom and I slowly emerge from my deep and peaceful sleep.  For a few brief moments I’m comforted in the fleeting thoughts of my dream only to become fully cognizant of the nightmare I am again realizing.  I begin a new day in my real life daytime nightmare.

The Face of My Daytime Nightmare!


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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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