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Cow Crap Line of Clothes Coming Soon

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June 1, 2017 by John Crapper

Holy Shit!  Cow crap clothes coming soon to a store near you!

 A fashion line has been created by a Dutch designer made from cow manure.  It is being billed as a line of clothes that can reduce water pollution and methane emissions.

The idea was conceived by Jalila Essaidi, a designer and entrepreneur who was asked by government officials to help reduce excess animal waste in the Netherlands.

The Netherlands has excess manure that pollutes their waterways with high levels of both nitrogen and phosphate and produces algae blooms that kill fish.

Essaïdi’s patented technology removes cellulose and acids from cow dung and converts them into a biodegradable plastic called Mestic, after mest, the Dutch word for manure. Mestic can be made into paper, textiles, and other items, replacing petroleum-based products.

“It is a chemical separation method which allows us careful control of the nutrient composition of both the solid and liquid fraction of manure,” Essaïdi wrote in an email. “The farmer keeps the liquid fraction which now meets his desired nitrogen and phosphate levels. We take the solid fraction.”

Apparently the advantage of using cow dung is that because of its remnant digestive system it breaks down the cellulose saving time, money, and energy.

There are some environmental concerns.  Dana Perls, senior food and technology campaigner at Friends of the Earth is concerned.

“These experimental technologies need to be transparent, particularly before being rubber-stamped as sustainable,” Perls wrote in an email. “We need to discuss potential concerns in addition to potential benefits, and we need strict and sensible health and environmental safety testing, regulations, and standards.”

If it all works out the big question is will the consumer buy?

Ramon Sanchez, director of the sustainable technologies and health program at the Center for Health and the Global Environment at Harvard University said,

“It depends on cultural traits and how well informed is the consumer.

All of the bacteria and fungi in dung are killed during the process of extracting cellulose, and cellulose itself is a chemical compound that is absolutely clean and is unlikely to produce any adverse health effects.”

It all comes down to marketing, he added.

So it may not be that long away you’ll be sporting your new poo-poo line of fashionables and have something not just to crow about but to moo about as well.

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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