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Amushits

Amushits

Other religions wear relics from religious figures or medals of saints around their necks.  We believe they convey the wrong message that people are somehow special and above the animal world.

We instead prefer to wear amushits made from the dung of various animals. It is important for the followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters to be constantly reminded of our shared relationship with animals and the world in which we both live. Amushits serve a dual purpose.  First, they keep a person humble and reminded that they are no different than other animals in fecal matters.  Secondly, they serve to amplify a person’s mental focus to work on a certain aspect of their life and strive for some kind of self-improvement.

Patrons have a variety of amushits from which to choose depending on what they wish to accomplish.  Below is the official list Previewof amushits recommended to practitioners.

Recommended List

from the

Church of the Holy Shitters

Aphid shit:  Worn to attract the opposite sex because of its sweetness.

Bat shit:  Worn to keep a person from going crazy especially when experiencing war or conflict since bat shit has been used to make gunpowder.

Bear shit:  Worn to help a person sleep especially in winter.

Bullshit:  Worn to inhibit untrue statements from coming out of the person’s mouth.  It also serves to shield the wearer from the lies of others.

Chicken shit:  Worn by cowards to make them feel good.

Civet cat shit:  Worn to help a person stay awake when they can’t afford the coffee.

Eagle shit:  Worn to improve eyesight and sex drive.

Elephant shit:  Worn to improve memory.  Also strengthens neck muscles.

Giraffe shit:  Worn to help people stick their neck out.

Horseshit:  Worn to help people stay on task and not play around.

Kangaroo shit:  Worn to help people when jumping through hoops.

Lion shit:  Worn for courage.

Moose shit:  Worn when you want to stop governing.

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.

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