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Animal Crappers

Animal Crappers

All information in list obtained from the book

Who Shat That? by Mat Paggett.

Dung beetle

Dung beetle: The official mascot of the Church of the Holy Shitters . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dung Beetle:  This guy loves others’ shit.  He lives in it, eats it, and breeds in it.  And he isn’t fussy about where it comes from either– elephant, cow, monkey, horse, llama …whatever.  One type of dung beetle makes a ball of the stuff and the male and female perform dung gymnastics!  Let’s have a shit party tonight!  That is truly caring about other people’s shit!  Let us never forget the message of hope the dung beetle provides!

Aphid:  Aphid poop is so sweet and sticky it has its own sweet-sounding name, “honeydew”.   Bees love aphid poop and the honey produced from it is known as “the shit” by connoisseurs.

Bat:  Thanks to its high phosphorus and nitrogen content, bat guano was used during the Civil War to make gunpowder.

Black Bear:  Things found in black-bear dung have included tin cans, watches, motorbike chains and hubcaps.

Cat:  Because of its high protein content, some dogs actually readily eat cat turds.  No wonder dogs are always chasing after cats!!

Chimpanzee:  As the closest animal relative to humans it is comforting to know that chimps are known to eat their own shit (apparently only in captivity).   They are also capable of lying about their own shit.  A chimp named “Lucy Temerlin” living in a primate institute blamed her crap on a graduate student.  “That’s not my shit.  It’s that guy’s shit”.   Our closest relative in the animal kingdom eats its own shit and lies.  Now if that isn’t proof of evolution I don’t know what is!

Civet cat:  An anal secretion from this animal is used to produce “Poo-fume”.  It is in high demand by top fashion houses.

The Indonesian civet helps produce the world-renowned “kopi luwak” coffee; the most expensive coffee in the world.  Apparently the coffee beans pass right through the digestive system of the Civet removing much of the bitterness of the bean before plopping back out again.  One cup goes for $50.00.  Now that is some expensive crappuchino!

Cow:    Dung is used in Nepal for fuel taking the place of coal and oil.  The dung is stored in airless containers and bacteria consume it.  Add a little water and a 70 percent mixture of methane gas is produced.  The remaining slurry ends up as compost.  Cow dung creates employment, a cleaner environment and energy.   Cow dung is also being used as insulation.

It is also used in sport!  In 2006 James Pratt, at the Men’s World Championship Cow Chip Throw in Beaver, Oklahoma, won the contest with a throw of 200.7 ft.

Dog:  “In 2006, dog poop was employed as part of an “Urban Hazard” campaign against George W. Bush.  Tiny flags featuring the American president’s face were stuck into piles of poo on pavements in the U.K., France, Germany, and the United States.”   Now that was some useful shit!!!  It has probably been the most international exposure Bush has ever had, too!!

Dung Beetle:  This guy loves others’ shit.  He lives in it, eats it, and breeds in it.  And he isn’t fussy about where it comes from either– elephant, cow, monkey, horse, llama …whatever.  One type of dung beetle makes a ball of the stuff and the male and female perform dung gymnastics!  Let’s have a shit party tonight!  That is truly caring about other people’s shit!  Let us never forget the message of hope the dung beetle provides!

Eagle:  Take some eagle droppings; add the semen of a young man; mix together and consume as an aphrodisiac.

Elephant:  Elephants are big and they are big shitters too. Their shit is valuable to a bunch of other animals.  Baboons dig through it to find undigested nuts.  Birds do the same to find seeds.  Dung beetles use it to lay their larvae.  Termites eat it and build in it.  Plants love it and some seeds will not germinate until they have passed through an elephant’s digestive system.

Gazelle:  “Gazelle dung was used in a variety of ways in ancient Egypt.  One of the oldest medicinal documents ever discovered is the Ebers Papyrus, which dates back to around 1550 B.C.E.  Featured in it is a recipe for hair tonic prepared from myrtle (a red mineral), kohl, oil, hippopotamus fat, and gazelle droppings.  Physicians also used the dung against infections and inflammations, and, when dried, it was commonly used as domestic fuel.”

Giraffe:  Because of its nice firm round texture Bushmen in South Africa like to use it in a game of giraffe dung spitting.

Horse:  Horseshit has been used and in some places still is used for heat.  Before the days of incubators horse dung was packed around flasks to concentrate heat.  Horseshit is commonly used for fertilizer.  Mexico makes Genuine Horse Shit Cigarettes famous for their mild and sweet flavor.  Wow, this is really some good shit I’m smoking!

Kangaroo:  Aborigines mix kangaroo dung with the leaves of tobacco and chew it for energy.  Tasmanians produce “Roo Poo Paper” with it.  “

Koala:  These guys feed their shit called “pap” to their babies.  Koala pellets are a must have souvenir for anyone visiting Gunnedah, Australia, “The Koala Capital of the World”.   “Look at this bag of shit I got on my trip!”  And I used to think a pet rock was stupid!

Lion:  Dung from this creature is spread around to keep other animals such as domestic cats, raccoons and deer away.  Protesters have thrown lion dung at mounted police during demonstrations to panic the horses into thinking there is a lion loose causing them to buck off their riders.

Llama:  In Bolivia, llama dung is being used to clean water.  Runoff from a tin and silver mine has been contaminating La Paz’s main water supply.  Llama dung has the chemical make-up to neutralize certain acids and dissolve certain metals found in the runoff.   Engineers are hopeful that before too long La Paz will soon have fresh, clean water thanks to the droppings of the llama.  Dried llama dung is often used as fuel.  A Peruvian steamboat, used in the late 1800s had a 60-horsepower engine that was entirely llama-dung powered.  It apparently smells kind of bad when it burns so chances are the steamboat passengers had a stinky ride!

Moose:  Alaska has all kinds of moose dung souvenirs including necklaces, earrings and key rings.  They even have moose dung lip balm.  Kiss me baby

Opossum:  When under threat this guy defecates a green-colored liquid over itself and goes into a comatose state to protect itself.  Thus we have the phrase in English “to play possum” meaning to play dead.

Owls:  Noted for shitting out of both ends: the anus and the mouth.   The backend is known as “whitewash” and the front end is known as “pellets” or the “honorary turd”.

Plankton:  This is the smallest shit in the world.  Plankton shit aids in minimizing carbon levels in our atmosphere.  Ironic isn’t it.  Here we have the smallest shit helping to correct one of the planet’s biggest problems – climate change!

Polar Bear: Hungry scavengers such as gulls and foxes eat their dung.

Rat:  Rat shit has been used to cure constipation.  When mixed with honey and lemon juice, it is said to cure baldness.  Do you really know what is in the Rogaine you put on your head every day?

Rhinoceros:  Here we have another animal that likes to eat its own shit.  Shops in New Zealand sell rhino-poop fertilizer statues shaped like the animal to help you grow better roses.  Just add water and watch it dissolve.

Termite:  This little bugger can teach us about social order.  Their shit is known as “frass” and plays an important role in a termite’s nutrition and health.  All termite colonies are organized into castes of workers, soldiers, alates  (reproductive termites), and a queen.  Interestingly it is the workers who get to handle the most frass.
Umm – in our society isn’t it the workers who have to deal with the most shit too?

Tiger:  Indonesian shaman (Dukuns) use tiger poop to ward off black magic by making the victim eat it straight from the ground.  The Chinese use it in their traditional remedies to treat alcoholism, boils, and hemorrhoids.

Turtle:  Turtle turds look a lot like human ones.  They practice scatophagy (poop-eating).  One theory suggests that it is a way to pass on information to their young.

Wombat:  Noteworthy for its shitty beauty.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Yak:  Visit Tibet and you will see mountains of flattened dung patties drying in the sun waiting to be used as fuel.  It some places the patties are also used as bricks. Moist dung is used on wooden fencing to fill in cracks, much like cement.  Over 4 billion patties made!

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.

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