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  1. Commandment #8 – A Closer Look

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    January 9, 2014 by John Crapper

     

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say than don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

     Our 8th commandment reminds us to conserve shit.  What exactly is this commandment instructing us to do?

    We have all heard the saying “waste not, want not.”  But what does that mean?  The term “waste not want not” probably originates in Yorkshire and means exactly what it says, never wasting anything results in never wanting anything. For example, only serve enough food at a meal that you know will easily be eaten, leaving no waste. Do not spend your hard earned cash on things you do not really need or want. Think before spending – “waste not want not”.

    But our 8th commandment is much broader than this.  First, as Holy Shitters, we start with the conserving of the actual substance.  Fecal material is a valuable resource.  Just as we use steer manure, dairy manure and chicken manure as soil

     

    Bahasa Indonesia: Tai sapi English: Cow's dung

    Giant chicken

    amendments to aid in the growth of our gardens, humanure is also a valuable resource which should be utilized instead of largely wasted like it is today in most of the modern world.

    The fact is, humans think their shit is disgusting.   Anthropologists think disgust is learned.  They point to small children who show no disgust at dirt or feces until they are educated otherwise.  The anthropologist Mary Douglas concluded that something is dirty because it is out of place.  Soil in the garden is fine; soil on a plate is not.  Disgust becomes a way of ordering a society, of creating a hierarchy of what is safe and what is acceptable.  It also becomes a way of distancing intellectual humans from their embarrassingly animal origins.

    When it comes to our shit we still don’t know how to deal with it.  Yet it is something we all produce, up to several times a day.  It is high time we get our shit together when it comes to our own excrement.

    When we look at the predominant sanitation system used in the world today in an ass-forward way we can truly see just how ass-backward it is.  Each of us pays good money to have purified water pour into our toilets.  We then do our business and flush it into the sewer system.  We also pay hard-earned money to carry our excrement away to a sewage treatment plant.  Along the way it is mixed in with all kinds of foreign substances including chemicals, solvents and medical waste.  At our sewage treatment plants varying energy intensive expensive processes are utilized to separate out the contamination from the water to return it to its pure state to be recycled.  The remaining sludge’s value, as a result of human excrement being mixed with other sources of contamination, is diminished.  It must be further sterilized, with questionable results, before it can be used as a fertilizer.  This never-ending expensive cycle of mishandled waste typifies truly ass-backward logic and indicates just how out of touch we are with our true nature.  It also points out to what lengths we will go to deny our bodily functions and ignore our relationship and dependence on nature.  It is a very wasteful system from beginning to end.

    Followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters believe there is a better way.  It is called Ecological Sanitation or Eco-San for short.  Ecological sanitation offers a new philosophy of dealing with what is presently regarded as waste and wastewater.  

    613px-Ecological_sanitation_cycle-en

    Ecosan systems enable the recovery of nutrients from human feces and urine for the benefit of agriculture, thus helping to preserve soil fertility, assure food security for future generations, minimize water pollution and recover bio-energy. They ensure that water is used economically and is recycled in a safe way for purposes such as irrigation or groundwater recharge.

    It is easy to recycle newspaper and plastic.  It is certainly part of what our 8th commandment instructs us to do. Don’t waste food.  Don’t buy useless things.  Don’t throw away useful items.  These are all part of adhering to our 8th commandment.

    But in the Church of the Holy Shitters this commandment first focuses our attention on shit itself.  Once we can deal with the fact that we are currently wasting this stuff and that a dramatic shift needs to take place in both our thinking and actions regarding it,  we will only then begin to satisfy the demands this commandment places on us.

    When we start to save our waste all other waste issues will fall into place.(shitbit by Poop John the First)


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  2. Commandment #7 – A Closer Look

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    December 5, 2013 by John Crapper

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    7.  Thou shalt not giveth someone unnecessary shit.

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5.  If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone unnecessary shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

     

    What does our third commandment  Thou shalt not giveth someone shit  actually mean?  First, please take note of the small s used when writing the word shit.  This means we are not referring to Holy Shit which is the holy substance in our Church.  Giving someone Shit is considered a righteous act.  We are not taking about that.

    This commandment has nothing to do with the slang expression of giving a person some shit.  We all know what the slang expression means.  It means to give someone some lighthearted harassment or teasing.  We are not talking about that either.

    What we are talking about is our relationship with the environment and what we demand from it in terms of our consumption.  Our religion mandates we look at what we buy and consume in an ass-forward waste-first way of thinking.  Before we buy a product we ask ourselves what is the waste end result of its purchase.  This involves evaluating its impact on our environment compared to its usefulness.  Is it worth being purchased, used and consumed?  If the answer is no this commandment instructs us not to purchase the product.

    Everywhere we look and listen slick marketers entice us to buy, buy and buy.   Buy for greater prestige, buy for greater happiness, buy for better looks, buy for more convenience, and buy for more free time. Temptation is all around us.  Many among us suffer from a disease we call consumer diarrhea.  Compulsive buyers and shopaholics fall into this category.

    As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we realize there is a lot of crap for sale in our marketplace.This commandment asks us to strive to be judicious, environmentally aware consumers and  purchase gifts for our friends and family that are not crap. Just as our commandment # 6 states that we must not buy unnecessary shit for ourselves, we are also instructed by this commandment not to give shit to other people.  Perpetuating needless consumption is against our religious beliefs plain and simple.

    Please keep this commandment in mind while doing this year’s holiday shopping.

    Remember:

    “Capitalism is a great clearinghouse to efficiently produce anything that can possibly be produced which someone can be convinced to buy and do it for the best price.  It is a terrible system to conserve anything.”  (Shitbit by Poop John the First)

    and

    “The first amendment of the US Constitution mandates the separation of Church and State but it does not mandate the separation of Church and Economy.” (Shitbit by Pope John the First)

    Shit Fighter

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  3. Commandment #5 – A Closer Look

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    November 7, 2013 by John Crapper

    photo-2 2

     

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say than don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

    I really have nothing further to add to this commandment of:  If thou hast nothing constructive to say than don’t say shit so I will just STFU (Shut the Fuck Up!).

    If you could make someone be quiet who would you STFU?  I’ll give you a couple of people on my list.  Please add yours!

    Limbaugh_Award_cropped

    Official portrait of Congressman .

    Diarrhea of the mouth is worse then diarrhea of the butt!

    (Shitbit by Poop John the First)

    Every day I live I am forced to add more names to the list of people I consider assholes!

    (Shitbit by Poop John the First)

     

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  4. Commandment #3 – A Closer Look

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    October 10, 2013 by John Crapper

    photo-2 2The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5.  If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

    # 3 – Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink:  Just what is this commandment instructing us to do?  What does this really mean?

    To answer these questions we must first analyze where you and I view ourselves in the grand scope of existence.  The prevailing thinking when placing man in the hierarchy of species is to put us at the very top.  We are viewed at the pinnacle of the chain of life on this planet and many would argue in the entire universe.  We are made in the image of God, endowed with an infinite soul and on our way to a life eternal in duration after our physical one here on Earth ends.

    Here is an excerpt written by John D. Morris, Ph.D for the Institute for Creation Research entitled Is Man a “Higher” Animal? illustrating this line of reasoning.

    …”Man is different. His “higher” characteristics have more to do with his intelligence, his ability to plan and consider the future, and ability to express emotions. Animal instincts and habits are remarkable, but something sets man apart.
    We find this difference explained in the record provided by the Creator of man and the animals. In Genesis One we see that the fish, the birds, the creeping things, the cattle, the beasts of the field, and the beasts of the earth were all created “after their kinds.” But when God created man, He created him “after His own image.” We often have similar DNA to the animals, similar body parts, similar functions, similar consciousness, similar blood, but the comparison disappears when man’s eternal spirit is considered. The animals have nothing like this. Something about man adequately reflects God’s nature in a way that the animals don’t share.

    God created man with the wonderful ability to reason and comprehend abstract thoughts. He alone can speak in a language which communicates his inner yearnings. Most importantly, man can truly love and respond to love, most particularly the love of God. He can recognize his own sinfulness, repent of it, and appreciate God’s gracious solution to his sin problem. He can respond to God’s love by choosing a life pleasing to Him. Animals, regardless of their cranial capacity, know nothing of this.

    Man is qualitatively superior to the animals in many important ways. But he is also quantitatively distinct from all animals.

    No, man is not a higher animal. Man is not an animal at all. He is the very image of God, and nothing less.”

    Because of this frame of reference we view ourselves as special  and therefore commanding a unique place in the universe.  We, in short, view ourselves as being pretty special.

    This perception of “specialness” leads us into dangerously  concluding we can do things differently.  This is especially true when it comes to nature.  Only we have a soul.  Only  we have the promise of eternal life.  This is a supernatural reference point of ourselves and leads us into believing we can control the laws of nature.  Our mental powers, coupled with our technology allow us to manipulate nature to satisfy our every whim and desire.

    The thou shalt not act like you shit doesn’t stink commandment reminds us to put a check on this line of reasoning.  It reminds us that not only are we not the highest creature inhabiting the Earth, but in fact we are the lowest creature currently inhabiting this Earth.

    It is our species that is polluting the air all creatures breathe and the water all creatures drink.  It is our species that is poisoning the soil with chemicals and pesticides.  It is our species overpoopulating the  planet.

    We must never forget that our shit does in fact stink..  We are not in control of nature but dependant on it for survival.  The sooner we come to terms with this fact the sooner we can begin to adjust our behavior so that we may continue to exist on this planet.

    When you don’t believe in life after death it makes you realize that the one we have here on Earth is pretty important!

    Where do you fit?

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  5. Commandment #2 – A Closer Look

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    September 26, 2013 by John Crapper

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    photo-2 21. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5.  If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

     
    Let’s take a closer look at our second commandment which states: One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.  It is such an important precept in our Church.
     
    Apathy is alive and well amongst us.  How many times do you hear a person say, “I don’t give a shit” or “I could give a shit less about that” ?  The feeling seems to be running rampant in our society.  How many people seem to be out for only themselves, having only self-interest in mind, oblivious to the needs of others around them?  How pervasive is greed in our society?  How much does our culture of competition lead us to claw our way to the top at the expense of all those around us?  How much of our consumption is driven by our insatiable desire to have it all and have it now?   Damn the consequences our super-consumer lifestyle is inflicting on our environment?  We deserve it and we deserve it NOW!
     
    In a very real sense our culture, economy, media and religions are brainwashing us to do things that are harmful to ourselves and other living creatures.  And the kicker is we don’t even realize it.  They say ignorance is bliss.  In this case it is certainly the case.
     
    Our economy showers us with everything we think we should have and sells us on owning it.  Buy, buy, buy, consume, consume, consume – Why?  Because we are special and we deserve it!
     
    Our media tells us what we should think and what we should concern ourselves with.
     
    Finally, our religions tell us what to believe, stroke our ego in the process, and implore us to pursue no further information to the complex problems confronting us.
     
      This is not the way it should be.  This is not the path to a better life.  This is not the path of awareness.
     
    To have a better life we must care about things.  We must give a shit.  As long as we are alive we are tasked with being good custodians for this planet in which we all live.  It is our home and it sustains our life.  As far as we know it is the only life we have and the only home we have.  We need to care for it, preserve it and aspire to improve it for the betterment of us all.
     
    I know what you’re thinking.  Pretty high aspirations for the Poop of the Church of the Holy Shitters.  Pretty pie-in-the-sky thinking.  Blah, blah, blah.  Do I sense a certain amount of ambivalence?  Is the apathy that I mentioned earlier showing its ugly head in your own?  Could it be that you don’t give a shit about what I’m saying?
     
    Remember – there are dumb shits and there are Smart Shits.  Which type do you aspire to be?  Are you a person who puts on the blinders, turns to a certain book, or certain belief system for all  your answers?  Why not?   It’s easy.  No reason to question things.  You can get on with your life.  After all, you are special, right?  You deserve it all. Read the good book, buy the video game, watch the reality TV show and unplug.   Why bother yourself with contemplating the complex things?  Life is too short.  You deserve to be saved from all this shit!
     
     Or are you that other type of person that seeks to know; that questions the assumptions everyone else takes for granted?  Are you a person that cares about the interrelationship between yourself and the rest of the living creatures on your mutual home?  Do you strive to be cognizant of the supreme rule that everything relates to everything else and if you don’t think about it that way you are somehow in need of further knowledge?
     
    The commandment states that as long as you are alive you must care.  You must strive to learn.  You must seek to improve your existence and subsequently improve the existence of all other living creatures sharing this planet with you.
     
    As a practicing member of the Church of the Holy Shitters you realize all living creatures take a dump.  You realize that since you are gifted with an abundance of mental capacity you are especially tasked with the job of making sure that all creatures sharing the planet with you are able to continue to take a dump during their natural lifetimes.  You realize that you have the special task of being  a custodian of life here on Earth.
     
    As long as you take a shit you must give a shit!  
     
     
    Shit Fountain sculpture

    Let the fountain of caring flow from you each and every day!

     

     
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  6. Commandment #1 – a Closer Look

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    September 12, 2013 by John Crapper

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandmentsphoto-2 2

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5.  If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

    The Church of the Holy Shitters has 10 commandments to guide us on our journey toward our Shitty Way of Life.  They serve as guideposts steering us through the challenges we face in our daily lives.  Today I would like to take a close look at our supreme commandment.  Our first commandment  of “Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit”.

    First, I would like you to take note of the Capital S given to the word shit in this commandment as compared to the small s used in all the subsequent ones.  The capital S is used here for a very important reason.  It indicates a difference in meaning and importance.

    As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we are dedicated to Shit’s elevation to a holy substance and to  giving Shit a paramount place in our ass-forward way of thinking.

    The Church of the Holy Shitters celebrates the fact that each person’s bowel movement is unique and should be regarded with wondrous appreciation.  Each one of us ejects unique shapes, sizes, textures, smells and colors of shit every day.  It is important to look before you flush and contemplate and understand what your shit is telling you.  We believe it is important to learn from your shit.

    But this commandment dictates from us much more.  Beyond the mere contemplation and understanding of the physical fecal material emanating from our butts each day, this first commandment instructs us to strive to have Smart Shits through the practice of the Sacrament of Holy Shitting.  Let me explain.

    Our Church teaches us that there are two kinds of shits in the world:  dumb shits and Smart Shits.

    A dumb shit is a non-reflective, self-centered act.  You want to dump and go.  You don’t have time to think about the eat/shit cycle.  You don’t have time to reflect on your actions.  You don’t give a shit about Shit.  You are in a state of denial about your own shit.  You think your shit doesn’t stink.  You feel you can control shit. You crave shitty food.  You want it all from mother Earth and you want it now.  You are basically a short-sighted dumb ass!

    A Smart Shit, on the other hand, is a reflective, meditative, contemplation of all that has transpired since the last time you took a dump. You take the time to really look at your shit.  You are keenly aware of the eat/shit cycle.   Consequently you do a physical self-assessment where you ask yourself some of the following questions: Were you good to the Earth during this interval?  Did you act in a sustainable non-wasteful way?  Were you a good custodian of your ecosystem?  Did you put good food into your body?  It is also a mental self-assessment where you ask yourself such things as:  Did you not bullshit others?  Did you refrain from giving others shit?  Did you give a shit about others?  Did you needlessly get upset over useless shit?  Did you act as if your shit doesn’t stink?

    Thus you perform an honest physical and mental self-assessment of your actions as you perform the actual act of getting rid of your shit.  You resolve to correct your deficiencies and improve yourself between now and your next dump.  As you physically let go of your physical shit you simultaneously let go of your mental shit as well.  In the proper conduct of this ritual you receive the sacrament of Holy Shitting.

    Our religion demands that we think about a substance that is constantly ignored by the vast majority of the world’s population.  This lack of contemplation leads to a mental state we call ass-backward thinking.  This ass-backward thinking results in a whole host of problems not being dealt with in a constructive manner.

    There is a reason people call a toilet a head.  For many of us, in our hectic world, it is the few moments in our day where we can sit, relax, contemplate and examine our lives in a personal and intimate way.  (Shitbit by Poop John the First)

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.
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