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  1. Our Perception Blinders


    February 27, 2014 by John Crapper



    Many people walk around with “blinders” on; “blinders” are meant to be on horses, to keep their focus on the view that is directly in front of them, they block peripheral & rear vision; which is precisely why they were made for horses and …not humans. When wearing blinders one cannot see what’s going on around them or behind them, it limits the view to strictly what is in front of them (the obvious, the surface) and no more.

    Ever hear a word you swear you’ve never heard or seen before? You look up the meaning and make a note of it. Recently, ergo was one such word for me. Then after you learn and are aware of it you start hearing and seeing it everywhere.

    Ever drive down a street you have driven down a thousand times before and see something you’ve never seen before? You are convinced it just popped up out of nowhere. Then you learn it is a business or building that has been there for years and you scratch your head bewildered at your lack of awareness.

    I work with a woman for whom English is her second language. She is very intelligent and has done a wonderful job of mastering English to the point she has no problem carrying on a high-level conversation. Yet she still makes blatant grammatical errors that hurt the native speaker’s ears but go unnoticed by her.

    These examples shed light on a phenomenon each of us has going on inside our heads. We all go along in life wearing what I call our perception blinders. These are the lenses we use to see, process, make sense of and judge the world around us. They filter out things that don’t fit into our general belief system and they let in ideas that do.

    These blinders are part of our discrimination mechanism allowing us to determine who we like, what we like, how we like to spend our time, what actions are good and what actions we consider abhorrent. These blinders started forming almost immediately after our birth (some contend the process even starts before a person is born) and they continue to define themselves as we go through life. As we age our blinders tend to solidify and are subject to less change. We basically become more “set in our ways”.

    There are several sources forming our perception blinders in each of our lives. Where you were brought up is a major contributor. The society in which you live and the government that you live under play a huge role. How your parents raised you is another. The schools you attended and the teachers you had all influenced your perceptions of the world and the blinders you formed. Of course your friends and associates all played a significant role too.

    One of the largest contributors shaping and forming your life blinders comes from your religious beliefs. It dictates for you what is good and evil; what are the rules of life’s engagement. It defines the path you should follow to lead the “good life”. Your religion helps you determine where you fit into the big picture of existence. It helps you figure out what your role is in the grand scheme of things.

    Religion also allows you to classify people. You have the “good” people and the “bad people; the chosen people and the heathens; the saved people and the condemned people.

    Blinders tend to fight against open mindedness. They tend to restrict the possible. They fight against exposure and acceptance of the new. They tend to diminish empathy and compassion for the “other way”. They foster the “my way or the highway” mindset.

    It is impossible to function in this world without blinders. But we must realize the root of the word is “blind”. We must fight against the potential for the damaging blinding impact they can have on our thinking.

    As Holy Shitters we strive to jump out of the blinder box in our thinking. We attempt to accomplish this through our commitment to the ass-forward waste-end first way of thinking. Through our awareness of the Eat/Shit Shitloop Cycle and our practice of the Sacrament of Holy Shitting we strive to pry open ever wider the blinders we can’t live without!


    Blinders (Photo credit: snakepliskens)


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  2. Commandment #4 – A Closer Look


    October 24, 2013 by John Crapper

    photo-2 2

    The Church of the Holy Shitters 10 Commandments

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.

    2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.

    3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.

    4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.

    5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.

    6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.

    7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.

    8. Thou shalt conserve shit.

    9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.

    10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.

    The Church of the Holy Shitters believe strongly that people have a right to privacy. Being a Church that has Shit as its focal point we should state from the outset that we believe people have a right to poop in private.  We encourage our practitioners to partake in the Sacrament of Holy Shitting as often as possible. This sacrament requires a person to enter into a contemplative state while taking a dump. This is hard to do in public. This is why having a sacramental Shit is hard to achieve in a public restroom. But the privacy issue is not an issue of us being ashamed that we take a dump just like all other animals. We are not ashamed of people seeing us in the physical act of taking a dump.  Read below the fold to understand what we mean by commandment #4.

    What we are trying to do is maximize the number of Smart Shits we have through the practice of Holy Shitting. This requires privacy. Having someone poke their nose in while you are doing your private business pretty much assures you are going to have a dumb shit rather than a Smart Shit. This commandment is there to insure this does not happen.

    This commandment is also part of our Church laws to address another area where privacy is paramount. The Church of the Holy Shitters is the religion we practice. It is the Shitty way of life we have chosen for ourselves. It is an environmental religion.

     We believe a person’s spiritual religion is private.  It is the most personal relationship a person can have between themselves and the greater universe. How a person defines god in their mind, what spiritual religion they do or do not practice is none of our business.

    Our religion is a natural religion. We deal with our lives here on this planet while we are alive. We do not deal in the supernatural. We don’t care how a person believes in this regard if they keep it private. This commandment therefore demands they keep their spiritual religion to themselves. This Church is not the place for a person to try and save anybody else’s soul. You violate this commandment when you do this.

    Our religion does not preclude you from having another religion dedicated to saving your soul for an afterlife of some sort if you are inclined to believe in such things. How you square your spiritual religion with this natural one is for you to decide.

    At this point I would like to remind you that we have a vesting approach to membership in this Church. As you learn about our religion you can choose to be 100% vested in our ways of belief or just 10%. Generally speaking, I will venture to say that the more spiritually inclined you are the lower will be your percent you consider yourself vested in this religion. That is OK as we feel that if you end up being only 10% vested that is still a plus for our Church and the planet on which we all live.

    What is important for membership in this Church is that you keep your spiritual religious thoughts private. It is not my business how you “believe” and conversely it is none of your business how I “believe” in this regard.

    Remember one of the tenants of this religion states the following: “If you don’t take a shit, we don’t give a shit. We therefore also do not pry into people’s views on such topics as abortion and birth control. These types of ethical debates involve a time when an entity involved in the conflict is not taking a shit yet. Hence we don’t give a shit.

    When you start doing this and as long as you do this we care. As soon as you stop we don't.

    When you start doing this and as long as you do this we care. As soon as you stop we don’t.

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  3. Thought Constipation Syndrome (TCS) Treatment


    September 5, 2013 by John Crapper


    Constipation (Photo credit: The Djudju Beast)

    When a person is suffering from Thought Constipation Syndrome (TCS) treatment should be sought immediately. These are the common symptoms of Thought Constipation Syndrome (TCS).

    1. Narrow mindedness: The individual will repeatedly offer the same simple answer for numerous complex problems under discussion.

    2. Blatant prejudice: Large segments of mankind will be categorized as inferior, doomed to damnation or unfit because of a different color of skin or a different belief.

    3. Constantly displaying a “know it all” attitude: The individual will be obsessed with a compulsive need to convince you to their way of thinking.

    4. Constantly resorting to personal attacks in an attempt to win arguments: “If you think like that you’re just a loser.”

    5. Claiming to have had a life-changing spiritual experience: “I saw the light when I accepted Him as my savior and into my life.”

    The appropriate treatment for this condition is the administration of a Thought Mitigating Enema (TME). The use of TME for treating TCS is fairly new and a delicate procedure to administer. It is important, therefore, to have the procedure done at a Holy Shitters authorized clinic. The Brains for Shit (BS) Institute currently is the only authorized administrator of the Thought Mitigating Enema. It must be performed by a licensed Shitologist specially trained in the procedure.

    English: CT Scan

    ST Scan similar to CT Scan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In general the procedure consists of the following. The Shitologist will first perform a Shitty Thought Scan (ST Scan) similar to the much more familiar CT Scan to determine the severity of the thought constipation. Once this is determined a TME will be scheduled.

    The night before the scheduled procedure the patient will be instructed to do the required prep. This involves the self-administration of a fleets enema in order to clear the anal canal and intestines of fecal matter so the TME tube can be more easily inserted.

    After the patient is sedated a tube will be carefully inserted through the rectum and anal canal all the way to the brain. Once complete the Shitologist will next insert the blowout preventer electrode. This electrode is specially designed to monitor bullshit extraction and guard against the inadvertent removal of valid thoughts to prevent the patient emerging from the procedure not knowing their ass from a hole in the ground. Once this electrode is in place and functioning properly, the Shitologist will begin to administer the Bullshit Memory Release Injection or (BMRI). This injection consists of a special formula designed to flush ass-backward thinking (more commonly referred to as bullshit) out of a person’s brain to be expelled out through the anal canal.

    Once the shitty thought extraction is complete the practitioner will perform a second Shitty Thought (ST) scan to determine the amount of open-mindedness space created from the bullshit extraction process.

    Next, the Shitologist will insert a semipermeable reverse assmosis membrane through which the truth, but not the bullshit may more easily pass.

    After the procedure an Ass-forward Thought Counselor or AFT Counselor will meet with the patient to set up outpatient ass-forward thinking training sessions to equip the patient with strategies to avoid a relapse of the syndrome.  During counseling sessions the AFT Counselor will educate the patient about the Shitloop Cycle and the Sacrament of Holy Shitting. The goal is to increase the number of smart shits and minimize the frequency of dumb shits to prevent the reemergence of bullshit into the person’s mind and a reoccurrence of Thought Constipation Syndrome (TCS).

    English: A Bull shitting with a with a red circle

    No Bullshit Zone! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Our climate is changing. I'm humorously serious about addressing it. I'm convinced my ego is the main culprit. My religion, Holy Shitters, demands I humble myself and celebrate the fact my shit stinks.

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